


Ashes to Ashes

by lethalaeipathy, notsoheadless



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Depression, Reveal, Suicide mention, Vomiting mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-16 03:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5812612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lethalaeipathy/pseuds/lethalaeipathy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/notsoheadless/pseuds/notsoheadless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Cataclysm!”<br/>Oh he can <i>not</i> be serious right now.<br/>“I always wondered what would happen if I used my cataclysm on a person…”<br/>He is dead serious right now.<br/>She needed a plan, <i>fast</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dust to Dust

**Author's Note:**

> Hello AO3, this is my first work! This is a collaboration between me and my friend Ty, who will be added as a co-author when she gets an account. This is very short, but the rest of the chapters will be much longer! We will possibly be uploading one later today due to just how short this is. Enjoy this angst :)

Marinette could hear her heart pounding in her ears. She ducked behind a tree for cover, fleeing from the onslaught of arrows following her. She clutched her yo-yo to her chest, fighting to keep her breaths steady. She took this lapse in fighting to begin formulating a strategy.

_‘I can’t get close enough to Chat to kiss him, so I need to get close to Kim to get the akuma, which by itself wouldn’t be too hard to do considering his weapon is long range, but with Chat guarding him I-’_

“Cataclysm!”

Her whole body tensed up.

 _‘Oh he can_ not _be serious right now,’_ she thought. She peeked around the tree to look at her paw-sessed partner, ( _'god he’s rubbing off on me.’_ ) He had a wicked gleam in his eyes as he jeered,   

“I always wondered what would happen if I used my Cataclysm on a person…”

_‘He is dead serious right now.’_

She needed a plan, _fast_. Luckily, she had just the thing.

“Lucky Charm!” With the toss of her yo-yo, a heart-shaped lollipop fell into her hands.

“Huh? A love apple? What am I going to do with this?” Looking around quickly, she came up with a plan.

“Of course!” Marinette slid out from behind the tree, swinging her yo-yo.

“I have a Valentine’s Day present for you!” Both of her attackers pounced into action. ( _‘Seriously, I need to stop.’_ ) Kim launched into rapid-fire, distracting her from the oncoming threat. She glanced in Chat’s direction just a second too late. The last thing she felt was a claw against her cheek, almost as soft as a caress. The last thing she saw was the cursed lipstick fading from Chat’s face, and the utter shock that replaced it.


	2. Aftershock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While trying to come to terms with what he's done, Adrien gets the shock of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY here's chapter two ^^ As promised, it's much longer that the first. Let us know what you think!

Oh, he was ready for this.

“Cataclysm!” His grin widened as he felt the power surging through his body and into his hand.

“I always wondered what would happen if I used my Cataclysm on a person…” He could almost smell the fear rolling off of Ladybug after he said that. She called for her lucky charm, as if luck could get her out of this one. She darted out from behind the tree, weapon at the ready, grin on her face. She was saying something, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she had presented a target. Adrien took off in her direction, and Kim took to the skies, firing at her. Kim spun around her and, _‘yes!’_ Ladybug was preoccupied by the arrows coming from the other direction, and Adrien had no problems getting close to her. He lunged toward her face, and she turned around just in time to see his hand connect with her cheek. Her expression didn’t change. She still had the slightly wide-eyed look of apprehension she did when she’d turned to face him. Ladybug exhaled one final breath, and the spell on Adrien crumpled faster than she crumpled into dust.     

 _‘This can not be happening. There is no way that this is happening.’_ But it was happening, and she  _was_ gone. Adrien knelt in the ashes of what used to be the love of his life. He wanted to cry out, to scream, to stop existing, to do something, anything but this. He felt his hand subconsciously reach for the pile, as if she was still there, just invisible. If he just searched hard enough, he would find her.

_‘There’s no way she can actually be-’_

“Looks like her luck was up,” Kim laughed, extending his arm.

“Her Miraculous, give it to me, Chat Noir!” Adrien was still trying to process what had happened, what _he_ had done. His Lady was dead, and he was the one to do it. He couldn’t even avenge her death without killing himself. That was starting to sound like a good idea.

“Now, Chat!” Adrien realized Kim still thought he was under his influence, as he couldn’t see his face. His hand felt something solid in the ash. Looking down, he saw two red earrings laying in the dust.

 _‘All that’s left. This is all that’s left.’_ He actually did start to cry. His ring beeped in warning, and that snapped him back to reality.

“Give me her Miraculous!” Kim demanded.

 _‘Like hell I’m doing that!’_ Adrien scooped up the earrings and bolted. He ran as fast as he could to the nearest building. He knew he had a head start since Kim wouldn’t be expecting this at all, but that wasn’t going to last long. He tore through the building, knocking anyone and everyone out of his way. His ring beeped a few more times as he searched for somewhere safe to transform. He could hear screams in the hallways behind him, and they were getting closer. Finally, he found a men’s bathroom.

The second the door closed, he released his transformation. He stuffed Ladybug’s earrings into his pocket and ran into a stall. All of his grief came out of him in the form of vomit. He wiped his mouth and exited the stall, then looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like a hot mess. His eyes were bloodshot, and his face was blotchy and covered in tears. He needed to pull himself together, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know if he could. Plagg floated to his ear and whispered,

“Adrien, we need to go.” No response.

“Think Adrien, what can you do? What would Ladybug do?” Adrien could not _believe_ Plagg just said that. All the sadness and shock in him turned to rage.

“I don’t know, Plagg, what would Ladybug do? Hmm? Why don’t we go and ask her, huh??” He couldn’t help the sarcastic edge that crept into his voice.

“Oh, but that’s right! Ladybug isn’t here, and she never will be again because I FUCKING KILLED HER!!” To Adrien’s surprise, the little Kwami did not so much as flinch.

“I know you’re upset, but people are in danger  _now_. We have to figure something out fast!” Plagg was right, and that only proved how much danger they were actually in at the moment. Adrien walked over to the sink and splashed cold water into his eyes. He took a deep breath and turned to his companion.

“How do I look?” He asked, sounding much more composed than before.

“Better,” Plagg replied. Better was an accomplishment in Adrien’s eyes, so he didn’t argue.

“Fine, let’s go.” With that, Adrien stuffed the little cat into his bag and snuck out of the bathroom. He needed to look natural while making his getaway so he repressed every urge to run. Walking past the other citizens, he couldn’t help but hear their whispers.

“What happened to them?”  

“What did Chat Noir do to Ladybug?”

“Will she be ok?”

Their words stung almost as bad as the act itself. He pulled his collar up and walked faster. Suddenly, a scream echoed through the building. Adrien took off toward the sound. He found himself in the lobby, and saw Kim floating in the air. Kim froze and a thin pink mask appeared in front of his face. He began to talk to someone who wasn’t there, someone controlling him.

“NO! Hawk Moth, I swear, I can still find him!” A pause, he must have been listening.

“Please, Don’t do this! I haven’t gotten my reven-” He screamed again as a purple miasma engulfed his body. He dropped to the ground, the energy dissipated, and he was back to normal. At least Adrien could go home knowing that Paris was relatively safe. For now.

* * *

 

Adrien collapsed onto his bed, the day’s events replaying in his head. From almost confessing to Ladybug, to taking that arrow, to...destroying her. He’d only wanted to protect her, to prove his love, and now there’s no one to prove that love to. He didn’t want to move. Luckily, Plagg found some cheese on his own and was restoring his energy.

“Well, any ideas?” Plagg said, while scarfing down another slice.

“Yeah, lay here forever.” Depression was hitting him hard. He was attempting to fall asleep when he heard a beep come from his pocket. He shot up, eyes wide.

“I forgot!” He exclaimed as he pulled Ladybug’s Miraculous from his pocket. They were only missing one spot each.

“This makes no sense, she used her Lucky Charm right after I…” He let the sentence trail off. He looked to Plagg with confusion, but the sprite didn’t seem concerned.

“No one is wearing them right now, so there’s no immediate drain on her power,” he explained.

“Tikki will be joining us in about three hours.” That got Adrien’s attention. He looked to the earrings with apprehension.

 _‘Tikki, huh...’_ He felt a weight settle on his chest. In three hours time, he was going to have to confront Ladybug’s Kwami. The only creature who knew her both as Ladybug, and as her true self. The only one she could really pour her heart out to.

 _‘I wonder how she’ll feel about me. I know Plagg would be beyond livid if Ladybug had been the one to murder_ me _.’_ That was a conversation Adrien wanted to avoid. He set the jewelry down near the foot of the bed, and laid back down.

“Plagg, I’m going to sleep now,” he started.

“When Tikki comes out, tell her I’m sorry but I just-” His eyes began to sting, so he closed them.

“I just can’t talk to her right now. I can’t. I need time to actually...process what I’ve done.” Process wasn’t quite the right word, but he couldn’t think of any other way to describe what he needed.

“Don’t you mean, _purr_ -cess?” Plagg said with a laugh, trying to brighten the mood. Adrien’s frown only deepened.

“Not now, Plagg.” He turned over on his side.

“Tell Tikki she can stay in my bathroom for now. Please save her some cheese so that she can actually eat.” He popped open one eye just in time to see Plagg slowly drop the last piece of Camembert. He wished he could bring himself to smile at the annoyed look on the cat’s face. He closed his eye again and waited for rest to come to him. Unfortunately, it did not.

It was not rest that came to him, no. Instead, it was images of his Lady, his love, his life, broken. At first he dreamt of her falling to her death, and him powerless to stop it. Next he saw her fade from existence, lost to time. Then it got worse. He saw _himself_ push her to her death. He saw _himself_ suck the energy out of her. He dreamt of her begging him not to kill her, crying, hands up in surrender. Still he did. Not only did he murder her over and over, but he took joy in it. The same electric glee that washed over him while under Kim’s spell washed over him in these nightmares. When he woke up, he was sick to his stomach.     

* * *

 

The next two days were a blur. He wasn’t eating, he was barely drinking. He wasn’t sleeping well thanks to his dreams. He never left his bed. Plagg had to sneak in the vents in order to get food for him and Tikki. Adrien wished he cared about that. He wished he cared about anything, but how could he? The person he cared about the most was gone, and she took all that care with her. He was probably missing important lessons at school, and he knew he was missing important work his father scheduled for him months in advance. He grinned with dark humor at the thought of his father. The man hadn’t so much as texted Adrien to see what was wrong. He would probably passive aggressively punish him by making him work twice as hard when this was over, while still expecting him to stay on top of his schoolwork. Unsurprisingly, Adrien didn’t care about that either. He was lying there, contemplating the tragedy of his existence, when Nathalie flung open the door.

“Adrien, I have no idea what’s come over you, and frankly I don’t care. However, you will be attending school today whether you like it or not. Mr. Agreste’s orders. I suggest you prepare yourself, or you will be attending just like that.” She slammed the door shut, leaving him with the ultimatum. Slowly, he sat up. If he was going to get ready, he needed to use the bathroom. There was one problem with that.

“Plagg?” He asked, his voice coming out quieter than intended due to under use. His Kwami came floating out of the bathroom, eager to see that Adrien was reviving.

“Is Tikki still here?” He inquired. Plagg nodded, and Adrien let out a dejected sigh.

“Can you take her to another room through the vents? I’m being forced to go to school but I’m still not...ready yet.” Plagg nodded again and took off. Adrien stood up, nearly falling over. His entire body was weak from malnourishment. He would have laid back down if he didn’t know his father would make good on his threat. He gathered a change of clothes and went to take a shower.

The drive to school was uneventful, and had ended way too fast. Adrien was dreading all the pretending he was going to have to do. He tried his best to keep his face neutral as he pushed open the door to his class. Upon taking in the room, he realized his efforts were unnecessary. Everyone looked out of sorts. Alya looked like she had just finished crying, and even _Chloe_ looked concerned. Could this all be over Ladybug? Nino’s eyes snapped to Adrien when he walked in, and he wasted no time once Adrien sat down.

“Dude, where have you been? I tried calling your house when you wouldn’t pick up your cell, but Nathalie just said you were _indisposed._ ” He made air-quotes around the word indisposed, and Adrien held back a sigh. He really wasn’t up for this. He dodged the question with a question of his own.

“What’s with everyone? I mean, even _Chloe’s_ looking down.” Before his friend could answer, Alya spoke up.

“Didn’t you hear?” She sounded terrible. Adrien figured she was talking about Ladybug’s death.

 _‘I guess it makes sense that she’s so upset, she was a huge Ladybug fan, but everyone else...?’_ It wasn’t making any sense. He shook his head to prompt her to go on, though he thought he knew what she was going to say. He was dead wrong.

“Marinette has been missing since Tuesday!”

It felt like the floor had dropped from under him. She’d been missing since Tuesday, since Valentine’s Day. Marinette, with her piercing blue eyes, raven black pigtails, and bubbly yet strong personality (at least when she’s around Chat). He wanted to dismiss the epiphany he was having as false, but he knew it was true the moment he thought it. Ladybug was  _Marinette_. Not only had he killed Ladybug, oh no, he had killed Marinette as well. He felt sick to his stomach once again.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THESE NOTES CONTAIN SPOILERS ABOUT THE CHAPTER  
> I'm so sorry lol I realized I could give him nightmares the moment I wrote the sentence about sleep our poor bby can't catch a break. Also I actually looked back to episode 3 to see what day Valentines was on in their universe since I'm a perfectionist lmao.


	3. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien had a lot of questions, and he was determined to get answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We fear that our chapters may be getting exponentially longer.

Adrien stared through Alya for what felt like an hour. In fact, it was a full minute. Concerned, Alya and Nino spoke up at the same time.

“Adrien?” Alya breathed.

“Dude, are you alright?” Asked Nino.

He didn’t respond, he was lost in his own mind.

 _‘Her. It’s been her_ _this whole time.’_ He didn’t know how to feel about this. Should he be angry that he’d been so close without even knowing, or elated?

 _‘She sits_ behind _me-’_ He winced.

 _‘Sat behind me.’_ That hurt the most. Remembering she was no longer being, she’d _been_. Remembering that _he_ was the cause of that shift in tense. That almost hurt more than killing Ladybug had. While he did love Ladybug, she didn’t quite seem like a real person. She was infinitely beautiful, infinitely powerful, infinitely _perfect_...but infinitely unattainable. He knew she was a good person, she just wouldn’t let him _know_ that person. Being with her was like being trapped in the shallow end of the pool. Seeing all that depth, but not being able to dive in.

Marinette was different. Marinette was _real_ , and that hurt. She was sweet and caring, and she knew how to stand up for herself when it mattered. She may have been shy and timid around Adrien, probably because of his status or something, but she was strong and confident with Chat. Adrien sighed, it was a wonder he didn’t know who she was the second he dropped onto her doorstep.

 _‘Of course it was Marinette, you idiot. She was right there, how could you be so stupid.’_ Then another thought struck him.

 _‘Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Marinette was Ladybug. I_ love _Ladybug, does that mean-’_

Adrien let out a strangled,

_“Oh!”_

Alya nodded solemnly,

“Yeah.” She didn’t realize what she was saying yeah to, but the sentiment remained the same. Nino patted his back,

“No one expected this, dude. Blindsided us all.” That was the understatement of the century. Adrien turned to face the board. His emotions churned, conflicting and unbearable. He felt apprehension at the thought of possibly loving Marinette, regret that he would never get to know her, anger at himself for what he’d done, anger at her for not telling him, glee that he finally knew who his Lady was. None of this, however, was greater that the despair he felt. Miss Bustier walked in at that moment, but Adrien didn’t think he’d get much out of the lesson.    

* * *

The school day slowly dragged on, both Marinette and Ladybug’s deaths weighing Adrien down. He felt as if time was moving backwards, like that weight alone was enough to push him into the past. Once the final bell rang he left the room immediately, not wanting to face anyone. He found a deserted classroom, locking the door behind him. He sank down to the floor, leaning back against the door. He opened his bag to let Plagg loose, and the little kitten Kwami situated himself next to Adrien. The latter stared up at nothing for a while, counting the ceiling tiles, before he spoke,

“It was her, Plagg. It was always her.” The Kwami looked confused,

“What was her? And who is this ‘her,’ anyways? Where is my cheese?” Adrien groaned.

“Plagg, it was her! Marinette! She’s missing! She’s been missing since…” He turned to face him.

“Since Valentine’s Day.” He stared Plagg down a little longer before his resolve failed him. He turned to look out of the window.

“I don’t know what to do, Plagg. I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know what to think.” He began to shake.

“I need answers! I need answers, and the only person I can get them from is dead.” He shifted his gaze back to the ceiling, falling still.

“Because of me.” His voice sounded small. The room became quiet after that, and they sat there in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Plagg spoke up,

“So, you’ve found out, then.” His voice was somber, absolute. He glided over and sat in front of Adrien. It took a while for the words to click. Once they did, Adrien felt as if he’d just been electrocuted. His head snapped down to look at the Kwami.

“Y- you knew!” He was seething, but Plagg didn’t back down,

“I knew.” Adrien couldn’t believe he was hearing this. How could Plagg, his most trusted companion, keep this very vital information from him?

“I- I? I can’t believe you! Oh, my god! Wh- What? Why would- Why would you, why didn’t you tell me?” He felt tears welling up in his eyes, but they definitely weren’t from sadness.

“I _loved_ her! I- and you _knew_. You knew! We could have been- we- we could have gotten to know each other! We could have talked! You-!” His jaw clicked shut. He didn’t have any more words for Plagg. The sprite better have had a good explanation for this, or this might be the final straw. Plagg stretched, arching his back, and yawned.

 _‘Yawned! He_ yawned! _’_ Adrien was appalled.

“Of course I knew,” he finally spoke, a lazy drag in his voice,

“I am magic you dolt. I can sense another Kwami when I’m close enough. Sitting one row behind us in class is definitely close enough.” Adrien stared at him, his expression unchanging.

“You’ve explained nothing. Why. Didn’t. You. _Tell._ Me?” He spoke slowly, trying to keep his voice calm and quiet. Plagg looked tired at the question.

“We never tell our charges who the others are. To be fair, we don’t tell each other, either. The only reason Tikki and I knew is because of your proximity to each other. We’ve found it to be best this way. If you want to tell each other, you do. If you don’t,” he became deadly serious,

“You don’t.” Adrien took this in. It made sense, and he hated that. Slowly, he relaxed, and turned to look at bookshelf to his left. He decided to change the subject.

“I have to tell them. They deserve to know.” That got Plagg’s attention,

“Tell who? You’re not telling anyone about this.” Adrien kept his eyes on the shelf,

“Plagg, she’s dead. The cops will stop their search soon, and most people will give up hope. But her parents? Alya? They won’t stop looking for her. They won’t stop hoping she’ll come back to them. Ever.” He closed his eyes.

“Unless I tell them.” He opened his eyes again. Now it was Plagg’s turn to get angry. He flew into Adrien’s line of sight, clearly riled up,

“Adrien, You cannot tell them! This-” He gestured wildly around himself,

“Happens! Sometimes, a miraculous wielder dies fighting! It’s sad, it’s heartbreaking, but it changes _nothing_ about the secret!” He pointed an accusing finger at the boy,

“Your friend Alya runs the _Ladyblog!_ What do you think she’s going to do with this information? Marinette’s parents? Her parent’s might go public! They could cause a scene and bring unwanted, _negative_ , attention down on you! On us!” His eyes narrowed,

“Speaking of negative attention on us, what if they ask you how you know? What are you going to do then, huh? What are you going to say then?” Adrien stared him down, his mouth opening and closing.

 _‘Surely Alya wouldn’t- Marinette’s her best friend. Her_ dead _best friend. She’d respect that, right...?’_ But Alya was a journalist at heart, and finding out who Ladybug was, was sort of her life’s mission.

 _‘And her parents! Why would they announce anything? What could they gain from that…?’_ But they were sad and angry, and their daughter was dead. Anything, anything at all that they could get would be better than nothing, and Plagg was right. If they asked him how he knew, he couldn’t do anything but tell them he was Chat Noir. There was no lie he could think of that was believable, and the pieces were right there for them to see. They just needed to put it together. He sighed, annoyed with his defeat, and turned back to the window. Plagg softened up,

“You mentioned questions, yes? Well, there’s still someone who could answer them for you. She’s dying to talk to you, you know.” Adrien gulped silently. He was nowhere near ready to talk to Tikki. In fact, this new revelation made him fear that conversation even more. He shook his head, and the Kwami sighed. He decided to try a different approach.

“Her loved ones...they will hope, yes, and it will take a while for that hope to die, but it will. Then they will grieve. They will grieve for a very long time, and it might seem like it will never heal, but it will, and they will move on.” He paused, clearly wondering if he should say something or not.

“And you will, too.” Adrien was shocked. He turned to Plagg, mouth agape.

“Plagg, I think that’s the nicest thing you have ever said to me.” A small grin was spreading across the boy’s face. In response, the Kwami twisted his own.

“Cheese me.”  

* * *

 

Slowly, he made his way to fencing practice. Once he got there, however, every ounce of motivation seemed drain out of him at once, so he kept moving. Since he didn’t go to practice, he had some time to kill until his chauffeur arrived. He decided he’d walk around the neighborhood, and be alone with his thoughts. He noticed some kids handing out flyers up ahead, and made sure to avoid them. He didn’t need people bothering him. On the block next to the school, he saw the bakery where Marinette once lived.

 _‘Maybe i should go check on them, they did just lose their daughter...’_ His feet made the decision for him. The bell rang, signaling his entrance to the small shop, and Sabine appeared behind the counter.

“Hello, how may I-” Her voice faltered, and her face fell.

“Oh. You’re one of...Marinette’s friends.” Marinette’s name tumbled out of her mouth, barely a whisper.

“Hello, Mrs. Dupain-Cheng, what’s fresh today?” As awkward as the greeting was, he knew he couldn’t ask how she was doing. He knew just how much she must be grieving. Adrien barely paid attention as she described the day’s specials, in the back of his mind he only remembered Plagg’s warning.

 _‘Maybe Plagg was wrong, maybe i should tell her.’_ They deserved to know about the fate of their own daughter after all.

 _‘What’s the worst that could happen, they’ll hate me? It’s not like they’d be the only ones.’_ He nearly rolled his eyes,

 _‘Ah yes, there it is! Good ol’ self-hatred setting in again.’_ However, he thought of the very real reasons Plagg gave him for not telling.

“So, what will you have?” Sabine’s voice snapped him back to reality. Right, he had to make a decision.

“I’ll take a tart, please. Any kind.” He decided against telling her.

Once outside, he tossed the tart in the garbage, knowing the treat couldn’t lift his spirits now.

“What a waste, you could have let me have that,” Plagg chirped up from his pocket.

“Not now Plagg, I’ll feed you when we get home,” Adrien wasn’t in the mood to deal with his hungry companion.

“Aww, but I’m hungry now!” Plagg insisted with distinct whine in his voice, making a show by pouting his lip out.

“If you’re that hungry, then go home and get some food yourself.” He said calmly. Plagg solemnly looked back at the boy.

“I understand you’re upset but there’s no reason to direct that at me. You know it’s best not to tell anyone about Ladybug’s identity.” Was it, really? Was it really best that Marinette’s friends and family not know of her fate? He still wasn’t so sure of that. Of course, if he told anyone they’d probably figure out he was Chat Noir. Even if they did know about him, wouldn’t it be better than making everyone suffer, wondering what happened? He sighed to himself, then whispered to Plagg with and edge in his voice,

“Why does everything have to be so twisted? I’m thinking myself in circles!”

Plagg just mumbled about Camembert, clearly not interested in repeating himself. Adrien resumed his train of thought.

 _‘Wouldn’t them knowing about me be a small price to pay to save them the pain they’re in?’_ He pursed his lips,

_‘No, it wouldn’t, not right now anyway. It’s too soon.’_

They made their way to the park to finish their wait. A few meters away, someone else was passing out flyers.

 _‘Probably for some party. Or maybe they’re missing posters for Marinette...’_ Curiosity had gotten the better of him this time so he walked over and took one. Unfortunately, curiosity does not take kindly to cats. He read the headline out loud,

“Justice For Ladybug: Rally to Bring Chat Noir Down!”

 _‘Oh no!’_ Adrien started shaking again. He had screwed up, big time, and now he had to pay the price. It was no surprise that anyone hated him after what he had done, but this was beyond that. This was dangerous.

“Plagg, what are we gonna do?” Two bright green eyes peeked out of Adrien’s pocket.

“I don’t know, this is very unsettling...” The sprite seemed distracted, he must have been thinking.

“Should we go in disguise, try to see what’s going on?” Adrien asked. The Kwami shook his head.

“We should talk to Tikki, maybe she could help us figure things out.” Adrien made a face.

 _‘UGH, here we go.’_ Again with this. Couldn’t Plagg tell he didn’t want to talk to her? Not right now, anyway. Everything was happening way too fast.

“Plagg, I-”

“Do you have a better Idea? One besides waltzing into the place wholly unprepared?” Adrien stared at the person handing out flyers. He really wished he had a better idea.

“Looks like I’m going to talk to Tikki.”

* * *

 

Adrien stood outside of his bathroom door, hand trembling over the knob. His quickening pulse told him just how much he did not want to do this. He looked to Plagg for support, and the cat nodded in solidarity. He held his breath, and slowly, he pushed open the door.  

What he saw surprised him, but at the same time it made perfect sense. Sitting on the sink was a creature roughly the same size and shape as Plagg, but with glaring differences. She was red, not black. While Plagg had cat ears, she had two long antennae, similar to Plagg’s whiskers. She had a big black spot on her forehead, where the cat Kwami had a third whisker. Two more spots sat on either side of her head. She had a spiny tail, and she had the most striking blue eyes. It reminded him of a girl he knew. The thought made him smile sadly. Taking her in, there was no doubt at all that this was Ladybug’s Kwami. She cleared her throat, bringing him back into the moment. He let out the breath he was holding and began,

“Um, you’re Tikki.” He sounded lost, and she giggled,

“Yes, and you’re Adrien. Glad we’ve cleared that up.” Plagg stifled a laugh. Her joking with him made it easier for Adrien to open up.

“Tikki,” He felt his eyes start to sting, and wished he wasn’t so prone to tears.

“Tikki I am so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have-” She held up a hand to cut him off.

“What? Adrien, it’s not your fault.” She turned to look at Plagg, voice rising a bit in pitch and volume.

“Have you been letting him think that this is his fault?” She looked outraged. Plagg backed away shyly, something Adrien never thought he’d see. This didn’t make sense at all.

“You...you aren’t mad at me?” He asked. She squeaked, turning on Plagg again.

“You let him think I was _angry_ with him? Is _this_ why he wouldn’t talk to me?” She was livid. Plagg held up his hands in surrender.

“How was I to know the reason, he wasn’t talking to me!” She didn’t seem impressed. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, they were softer. She spoke to Adrien, her voice sweet,

“None if this is your fault. You weren’t you, you were being controlled by Dark Cupid. This isn’t his fault, either. He was a victim! _You_ were a victim, and...Ladybug was a victim.” Her voice grew quiet at the end of the sentence, and she looked down. A moment passed, and she looked to him again.

“You don’t blame an Akumatized person after an attack, right? You’re not blaming that Kim boy, are you?” He shook his head. He actually hadn’t thought of Kim at all during this.

“Exactly!” She continued,

“You aren’t anymore to blame than he his. In fact…” Her face became cold, and she seemed to look through him.

“If you want to blame anyone, you should blame Hawk Moth. He did this to Kim, he did this to you, and he did this to _her_. He is the reason for all the pain everyone is in.” As she spoke, her eyes became crueler, and her voice deadlier. Adrien was suddenly very happy she wasn’t directing this at him, it was downright scary. She spoke barely above a whisper,

“That man has no heart, no soul. All he does is take and take, walking, _stomping_ all over everyone to get what he wants.” She focused on him again.

“And Ladybug happened to fall under his boot. But moths and butterflies?” She chuckled darkly.

“They are no stronger than ladybugs, and we’ve got boots too.” The weight of that sentence resonated throughout the room. It was a promise, and Tikki intended to keep it. Plagg floated nervously, eyes shifting between Adrien and Tikki.

“Aaanyways,” he started, defusing the mood. He turned over to float on his back.

“Our pretty little kitty has some questions for you.” Adrien almost laughed out loud.

 _‘Pretty little kitty?’_ He was going to question the furball, but Tikki spoke first. It was like she never gave that speech at all.

“Questions?” She asked brightly,

“What about, hon?” She smiled up at him.

“Um, I know…” She looked at him expectantly, letting him take his time.

“I know that Ladybug...was Marinette.” He waited. He knew it was true, and Plagg basically confirmed it, but he was still hoping she’d laugh and deny it. Instead, she yelled at Plagg again.

“You _told him?_ ” She screeched. No denying it now.

“He figured it out on his own!” Plagg defended himself,

“Marinette hasn’t been at school, and she’s been missed. He worked it out.” This time, she seem to accept his explanation. She turned back to Adrien.

“Took you long enough to figure it out, you silly.” She smiled, but there was a sadness to it. Probably due to the fact that it took him a little _too_ long. He opened his mouth to begin questioning her, but she raised her hand again.

“How about we go to Marinette’s room first? I’ll answer any questions you have after. I think you’ll get more answers in there than from me.” Her smile was tinged with sadness again. He nodded. He was about to wrap it up when Plagg hummed, casting a meaningful look to Adrien’s bag.

“Oh, one more thing, Tikki!” He dug through his bag, searching for the flyer.

“We have a bit of a problem on our hands.” He held the leaflet up for her to see. She went bug-eyed ( _‘HEyOOoh, the puns are back!’_ ) She began “pacing,” if you could call it that. She floated back and forth through the air, muttering to herself. Occasionally, she would shoot Plagg a random question with no context, then either shake or nod her head and continue her march, not even waiting for a response from the cat. Sometimes she would stop and turn to them, eyes bright, but then shake her head and continue. Sometimes she would scream out in frustration. Eventually, she came to a halt, eying them both down.

“Gentlemen, it appears we need a mole.”

* * *

 

Chat Noir vaulted through the roofs of Paris, making his way to Marinette’s house. He landed effortlessly on the balcony, Tikki floating beside him. He tried the trap door leading to her room. It was locked.

“Leave it to me,” Tikki said as she phased through the glass. Seconds later the door slid open.

“Nice work,” he praised as he dropped onto Marinette’s bed. Her room was devastating. Everything was _perfect_. It looked completely like Marinette. He half expected to see her sitting there at her computer desk, wondering why he so rudely broke into her room. He pretended it didn’t hurt when she wasn’t there. The room looked exactly as he expected it to. From the various clothing projects here and there, to the pink decor, to the absurd number of pictures of him that adorned the walls.

 _‘Wait,_ what _?’_ His eyes widened. His face must have shown his confusion because Tikki immediately doubled over laughing. She flew to the computer desk and nudged the mouse. The screen illuminated, and Adrien felt like his face did the same.

 _‘Thank god for this mask!’_ Not only was her desktop wallpaper a picture of him, it was a _collage._

 _‘A pink collage,’_ he noted.

 _‘With_ hearts _!’_ Adrien didn’t know what he expected to find in her room, but it definitely was _not_ this. He felt himself plop down to sit on her bed, his mind preoccupied.

 _‘I- was she. Did she have a_ crush _on me? Noooo, she couldn’t have...’_ He thought he was just being egotistical. Surely she didn’t have a _crush_ on him.

 _‘She likes fashion,’_ he reminded himself.

 _‘Yeah, fashion. Especially my father’s designs. She probably has these because of the clothes, not me. I often am the one to model father’s youth designs.’_ He eyed the wallpaper again, his explanation not explaining that. Tikki seemed to be enjoying herself. Specifically, enjoying watching Adrien’s reaction. She flew over to Marinette’s desk and disappeared from his view. He heard a pop, then a click, and she flew back holding a pink, polka dotted notebook. She placed it in his hands, and he looked at her quizzically. She giggled and answered,

“Marinette’s diary.” He dropped it like it was on fire.

“Um, no. Nope. I am not invading her privacy, alive or not. Uh-uh!” He folded his arms across his chest and turned his face away, eyes closed.

“You are currently sitting in her room, on her bed, without permission, Chat.” He groaned and laid back.

“That’s different, Tikki! It’s not, well, it’s not like I’m reading her diary or anything.” He grinned at the fact that his metaphor was no metaphor right now. She sat by his face.

“There’s no secrets in here that you don’t already know.” She poked his cheek,

“Except for one. Trust me, I know. I wouldn’t be telling you to read it if I didn’t think it was right.” He sat back up, glaring at her.

“This is on your head, little ladybug.” He joked. He picked up the diary and stared down at it. Truthfully, he was afraid. He didn’t want to read words in her voice. He didn’t want to imagine her alive and well and writing this, because she’d never be that way again. He could barely handle being in her room. With shaking hands, he opened the book.

He flicked through the pages at random, reading a passage here and there. Most of it was about her double life, and the missions they went on together. However, there was something else he noticed. He saw his name. A lot. She mentioned him at least once in almost every entry, even the one’s about battling Akuma. But then there were the entries that were _about him_. He was right, she didn’t have a crush on him. She was head over heels for him. He really didn’t know how to feel. His mouth lolled open as he read. He found an interesting passage. Apparently at one point, Marinette was going to invite him to the movies. As a date!  

 _‘Oh, why didn’t she?’_ While he’d never given it much thought before, he was sure he would have said yes. Marinette was a nice, sweet girl, and he didn’t get asked out by many of those. He read on,

 _‘Let’s find out. “But well, I took my courage into my hands. Problem is, I got his answering machine. And starting from that moment on, complete disaster!”’_ He stopped reading.

 _‘I never got a message from her, what is she talking about.’_ When he detransformed the first thing he was going to do was check his voicemail. Maybe he’d never gotten the notification. The thought made him angry. I that were true, he could have possibly been dating her! He knew Plagg brought bad luck, but this would be the worst luck imaginable. He turned the page. The next entry made his jaw drop, it was all about Chat! Specifically, how she felt about him. He read on, anxious and excited.

 _“He’s always making puns, they’re not that funny.”_ Outrage. Hurt. Betrayal. Disbelief. How could his lady say that about his puns?

 _‘They are the bee’s knees!’_ He grinned and glanced at Tikki, proud of that one. His grin soon melted away. From that point on, she made one thing very clear. Chat Noir was not her type. To make matters worse, she proved her point by comparing him to _Adrien_. He had to stop himself from throwing the book across the room. It didn’t matter that she liked him as Adrien, as soon as she found out he was also Chat Noir, she would have dropped that infatuation in a heartbeat. If she had anymore heartbeats, that is. It’s not like Chat was some alter-ego who took over when he transformed. Chat was a part of him! If she had found out the truth, she never would have accepted that. He had to force himself to read the rest, determined to at least learn everything she thought of him.

 _“Chat Noir is not as perfect as Adrien. Well, even if it’s true that he has a lot of good qualities.”_ At least she was saying nice things about him. Nice words were easier to read.

 _“He fights very well. And I can always count on him! Ok, if there wasn’t Adrien, maybe I’d look at Chat Noir another way…”_ He froze.

 _‘Did I read that right?’_ He read, re-read, and re-read again. There was no mistaking it. She just basically admitted to having feelings for Chat.

 _‘Okay, so she didn’t exactly say that. But she said ‘if there wasn’t Adrien.’ I_ am _Adrien. If she knew, would she have-?!’_ He flopped back onto the bed. He should be happy, overjoyed even. The mood was spoiled by one simple fact. None of this mattered. She was dead! Who cares what she could have done or felt, she can’t do anything anymore. He didn’t like the path his mind was taking, so he sat up again, looking for a passage to take his mind off of it.

Instead, he found something much worse. The entry was about her favorite locations in Paris, he was sure nothing would upset him in this one. There was one little sentence, however, that could.

 _“The Eiffel Tower is indestructible! Like superheros!”_ He was surprised he wasn’t crying. Maybe he was all cried out.

 _‘This is exactly why I didn’t want to read the book in the first place!’_ It was just an offhanded comment, a way to describe why she liked the Tower so much, but it hurt. He could feel the wound opening again, and he could see the words infecting it. It was festering and bubbling, and it _hurt_. He was going to yell at Tikki for making him go through this, when a sudden noise made him jump. So enraptured by the book, he hadn’t noticed the sound of approaching footsteps.

“What the hell are _you_ doing here?” Startled, he fell from Marinette’s bed and landed on the floor. He turned his head to see a surprised, but one hundred percent angry, Alya standing by the trap door that leads to the bakery. He tried to think of something, anything he could say to get himself out of this one.

“Uh... _lion_ around?” He offered sheepishly, a timid smile on his lips.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of Mari's diary entries are from the webisodes! ^^


End file.
